


Land Ahoy!

by spark_the_fangirl



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: And a Parrot, Badass Toph Beifong, Crack, One Shot, The Gaang Holds Her Back, Toph Beifong Being Awesome, Toph Beifong Swears, Toph Beifong is a Mini Murder Demon, Toph Beifong-centric, Toph Gets a Pirate Ship, Zuko Joined The Gaang, he's concerned, takes place in season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28183737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spark_the_fangirl/pseuds/spark_the_fangirl
Summary: Word of advice to the wise: Do not assume that Toph is weak. Definitely do not taunt her. And above all else, don’t take her away from the only people capable of controlling her.The story of how some pirates with a grudge failed on all these accounts, how Zuko learned how lucky he was to never go up against Toph, and how Toph got some much-deserved fun and a pirate ship. Although not necessarily in that order.
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Pirates, Toph Beifong & The Gaang
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	Land Ahoy!

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place at some point in season 3 after Zuko has joined the Gaang.  
> If Toph can’t get a field trip with Zuko she’ll have to go out and make her own fun.
> 
> Me: *has several WIPs to work on*  
> Also me: INSIGNIFICANT. Have Toph appreciation instead.

Upon awakening, it took only a moment for the Gaang to realize something was wrong.

“Is it just me or is it kinda… quiet?” Aang said.

“SHIT,” Sokka replied from a few paces away. “Nope. Nope. I can’t deal with this. I’m going back to bed.” He then proceed to flop pathetically on the ground backside up.

“What is it?” Katara said walking over.

“See for yourself.”

There was a note on Toph's typical stone tent. And Toph herself was nowhere to be seen.

_Take something of ours and we take something of yours_

_Leave the waterbending scroll here and scram if you ever want to see the child alive_

“ _Pirates._ ” Katara snarled. “I thought we’d seen the last of them when we destroyed their ship.”

“They must have gotten another,” Aang said, examining the note. “We gave the waterbending scroll to Wan Shi Tong for his library, so we couldn’t pay the ransom if we wanted to.”

“Wait, back up,” Zuko interjected. “Are these the same pirates we fought back… um…”

“When you were hunting us?” Sokka said slightly muffled from his position with his face in the ground. “Yup. The very same.”

“And they have Toph,” Katara said wringing her hands.

Aang’s eyebrows were wrinkled in concern as he internalized their situation. “She’s all alone with a bunch of murderous pirates.”

Sokka bolted up, eyes wide. “Alone… Oh no. No no no no. Shiiiiit. This is BAD.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Zuko tried to assure them. “She’s strong. If we hurry it will all be alright.”

Sokka took Zuko by the shoulders and shook him vigorously. “You think we’re worried about her?! We have to hurry before she murders them!”

“I-” He looked to Aang and Katara who both nodded their agreement.

“The truth is, buddy,” Sokka continued, slinging an arm around Zuko, “You stopped trying to kill us right before we adopted a mini murder demon. Trust me, you dodged a bullet.”

-

Said murder demon was just waking up, miles away, in the middle of the sea.

“So the sleeping beauty awakes!”

“WOWZA! Am I drunk? Is this what being high feels like? I feel so tipsy!”

“I thought you said the drugs would have worn off by now.” The captain said to one of the crew.

“They should have!”

“I’m drugged?? That explains it! Daaamn, I need to try this more often.”

“How long will this last?”

“I dunno.” The pirate shrugged. 

“Hey so like, where am I? Who are you? What’s going on?” Toph was splayed on the floor of a holding cell giggling as she spoke.

“Maybe you should just tell her it all now?” 

“Might as well, I guess.” The captain cleared his throat. “I am Captain Keki, the greatest pirate to sail the seas of the 4 nations! And you are my prisoner!”

Toph snorted. “Captain Keki? That is the most _ridiculous_ name I’ve ever heard!”

Keki blushed. “Oh shut up!”

In a mocking tone she parroted his words, “oH sHUt uP.”

Which was kind of funny until his actual parrot did the same.

“Caw-caw!” Keki said, looking incredibly offended.

“Hold up. You named your parrot Caw-caw?”

“It’s a perfectly respectable parrot name!”

Toph chortled. “I guess bad names just run in the family huh?

Keki growled as his crew tried to calm him down.

“Hey so is anyone gonna explain what I’m doing here?” There was a pause. “Or where ‘here’ is for that matter?”

Keki took a calming breath before speaking. “Your dear friend the Avatar stole our wares and then destroyed our ship _The Unsinkable_! And you-”

“So this is a ship?” Toph interrupted. “What’s this one called? The Unsinkable _II_?” She laughed at her own joke.

A pirate coughed in the following silence.

“Wait. No shit, really?? HA! You pirates really are something! It’s no wonder they killed your ship.” She sat up eagerly. “Did they blow it up? Did Aang do that avatar state thing where he starts glowing and crushes _everything_?”

“He can _do_ that??” One of the crew said in a hushed tone.

“NO. Of course he can’t, she’s just trying to scare you.”

“Nah, he totally can. Don’t worry though, he’s way too pacifistic to do it often. Now _I_ on the other hand, I’m TOTALLY scary.” She bared her teeth and Keki found himself shivering. “But anyway, how’d they destroy your ship? Did Katara do it?”

“Well… You see… um.” 

“Spit it out!”

“They sorta made it float away on the river? And then it kinda fell onto some rocks.” The pirate speaking winched as Keki glared at him.

“Your kidding. How the hell did I let myself get kidnapped by you dumbasses?”

“Drugs?” One pirate suggested. 

“Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”

“SHUT UP! Let me finish my monologue for crying out loud!”

“Yeah okay. I won’t interrupt any more.” She waved a hand for him to continue.

“AS I WAS SAYING. Your friend the avatar has gotten on our bad side and this is our revenge! You are our hostage and-”

“HOLD UP. I ain’t NO ONES hostage, understand? The only reason I’m still here is because I’m a bit tipsy from whatever you used to make me pass out.”

“Drugs!” A pirate supplied helpfully.

“RIGHT! Those!”

Keki gritted his teeth. “LET. ME. FINISH.”

“Right, right. Go ahead.”

“We kidnapped you to get revenge, as the weakest member of their team we thought-”

“Excuse me. Did you say weakest.”

“LET ME FINNNISH!!!” Keki nearly pleaded before he was interrupted once again, by one of his own crew.

“You’re an earthbender.”

“The best in history.” Toph replied smugly. 

“You’re in a boat.”

“Allegedly.” 

“In the middle of the ocean, surrounded by water, and you still think you can beat us?”

“I don’t just think, I _know_.”

“I mean, I just don’t understand how you can’t see how hopeless your situation is!

Toph waved a hand in front of her eyes. “My bad. I struggle to grasp the concept of this ‘seeing’ business.”

“That too! You’re literally BLIND!”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

The pirate doing the talking threw his hands in the air, “There’s no earth here! You’re alone, defenseless, and completely helpless!”

Toph grinned. “If I’m not mistaken this entire cell is made out of metal.” She knocked on one of the iron bars to prove her point. “And metal is just refined earth.”

“SO??” Keki said, interrupting the other pirate as he gave up on ever finishing his speech. “You can’t bend it! You’re just a weak child in a cage. What can you possibly do?!”

Toph clenched her fists and let out a rumbling laugh as she widened her stance and lowered her head. The shadows cast by a nearby torch caused her cloudy eyes to be obscured, only showing the pirates her unnaturally wide smirk.

“What can I do? WHAT CAN I DO?!” She screamed the second time causing the pirates to flinch. And with a chuckle, she moved her arms in one solid movement. “This.”

-

Keki was in Hell. 

That MONSTER had ripped apart her cell in a single move and created a full suit of armor over herself in seconds. And even with his crew screaming and running away to hide she still managed to take down at least half of them before Keki had gotten out of sight, moving, mind you, as fast as humanly possible.

Every time he blinked he could still see the sight of the behemoth climbing the walls and ceiling like a four-legged, zero-eyed, four-foot-tall, rabid, arachnid. The crazed laughter would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

He was hiding in his own personal room far away from the cells, pressed tightly into the corner as he listened to the sounds of his crew getting, what? Disemboweled? He certainly wouldn’t put it past the demon.

He had thought she was the weak link in the group, how was he supposed to know they were holding her back?

Keki shuddered as he heard maniacal laughter echo through the ship accompanied by cries worthy of the darkest parts of the deep sea.

_Just stay quiet._ He squeezed his eyes close. _As long as I’m quiet she won’t find me. She’s blind, she can’t see me if I-_

His thoughts were cut off by a whisper in his ear, “Wow! Your heartbeat is fast~ You scared yet?”

Keki screamed. And didn’t stop for a long, long, time.

-

“They couldn’t have gotten that far,” Katara said worriedly, looking off the side of Appa.

Sokka bit his nails anxiously. “I just hope they’re still alive when we get there.”

“It hasn’t been that long Sokka. I’m sure she hasn’t done anything too bad yet.” Aang replied, trying to calm the siblings.

Zuko tilted his head. “Aren’t you guys overreacting?” 

The three just looked at him.

“I’m not sure you’re grasping the severity of the situation Zuko,” Katara said.

Sokka shook his head. “Don’t bother Katara. He’ll see when we find her.”

-

“P-p-please don't kill me! Have mercy!” The pirate blubbered to the demon in front of him, who somehow COULD BEND METAL.

She just cackled. “You forfeited all rights to mercy when you kidnapped me! And now I will enact justice upon you!” 

He closed his eyes and prayed that if he ever got out of this alive he would go clean, no more plundering, no more stealing, NOTHING. Because he didn’t think he would be able to handle Hell if it was filled with demons like the child before him. He prepared for a blow, but-

“Right. I’m not allowed to kill people on purpose. I forgot.”

“You- you’re not going to kill me?”

“Thank your lucky stars Mr. One-foot.” The pirate opened his mouth to ask how she knew he had a peg-leg, then closed it as he thought better of it. He was fairly certain at this point that she was the devil itself and as such had no need for sight. 

“I promised Aang I wouldn’t kill anyone, he’ll be mad if I do.” She paused and thought for a bit. “Well if I can’t kill you I guess I’ll just have some fun with you for a bit.” She grinned.

“Wait, no! You don’t have to do that!” She walked closer and the pirate tried to back up but tripped over his own feet. “PLEASE! STOP! KILL ME! I BEG YOU!”

“Sorry! Can’t do that~”

The pirate sobbed. “KILL ME!!!” 

-

"I think I see it!" Katara pointed at a brown speck in the distance. As they got nearer they could see that the boat was spinning erratically and the deck looked slightly scorched.

"Is that a fire?" Zuko asked. "How did she manage to set a _boat_ on fire?!"

At the same time, Sokka whispered, "What is she _doing_?!"

As they got even closer they began to hear laughter peel through the air and saw a familiar figure at the helm.

Toph laughed hysterically as she spun the wheel. “WHO SAID THE BLIND GIRL COULDN'T DRIVE?”

"Oh no. She's lost it."

-

A few minutes later Appa landed on the deck.

“Hey, Toph…” Aang started cautiously, “Um. Are you alright?”

She perked up. “Twinkle Toes! I knew you guys would find me! I’m fine, those pirates were weeaak. I didn’t kill any though!”

A parrot on her shoulder squawked, “Didn’t kill any!”

Aang nodded slowly.

“I’m very proud of you Toph,” Katara said, completely serious.

Zuko looked around, “Where are they anyway?” Sokka shook his head vigorously. 

“Oh, they’re just below deck.”

“You didn’t hurt them too bad did you?” Katara said.

“Nah, like I said, they’re weakass pirates. Didn’t take much to beat them.” She put a finger to her chin. “Mighta traumatized them a little but that’s all.”

Sokka, Katara, and Aang all nodded as if this was a completely logical answer. Zuko for his part just mouthed a wordless, “what.”

“But now I got a pirate ship AND a parrot! Meet Caw-Caw everyone!

“Caw caw motherfuckers!” The bird screeched.

“The name wasn’t my idea but it’s all he’ll respond to.”

“Doesn’t he and the ship belong to the pirates?” Zuko hedged, ignoring the hand waving of Sokka.

“I’m calling finders keepers on this.”

“But you didn’t-” He was cut off by Sokka closing a hand over his mouth.

“Yup! Your ship, captain Toph!” He said. “We should probably go check on those pirates though, just in case.”

“Me and Aang will go, in case they need my healing,” Katara said.

“Or extensive therapy,” Aang added.

Sokka shoved Zuko towards the two. “Take Zuko too! I’ll just hang out up here with Captain Toph!”

“We’ll see if we can bring one of the pirates that knows how to run the ship so we can get it to land,” Aang said. Toph did not object so the three made their way down the stairs.

-

“Sooo, did ya have fun?” Sokka was looking out through a telescope he had found trying to find land.

“Yeah! I got to beat up a buncha pirates and they drugged me!”

“Excuse me what.”

“Yeah, at least they said they did. That’s why they were able to kidnap me.” She tilted her head. “You don’t think they’d be able to take me if I wasn’t unconscious do you?”

“There is not a doubt in my mind that you would have killed them if they’d tried.”

She nodded. “Whatcha doing anyways?” 

“Trying to find someplace to land, so far though I haven’t seen…” He paused, his eyes finding a bit of color on the horizon. “Land! Look! There’s the shore!” Sokka pointed at the earth in the distance forgetting for a moment that the gesture was useless around Toph.

“Land Ahoy!” Toph yelled thrusting a matching finger out. The issue was…

“Um... You- you’re- you’re pointing the wrong way Toph.”

She glared for a second before muttering, “Damn it.” and crouched in an earthbending stance as a look of concentration passed over her face. With a deep breath a roar she stomped HARD on the floor of the boat causing the entire ship to vibrate and cast ripples through the sea. The water rocked against the side as there was a rumble in the distance and an ENTIRE ISLAND WAS LIFTED FROM THE SEA FLOOR. 

Granted it was a small one, but that was beside the point. Sokka nearly went blind himself from how wide his eyes were. “WHA- HOW- YOU-!” He sputtered incoherently as the rest of the Gaang ran up from below deck to investigate.

Toph took a few deep breaths and wobbled a bit. “I mighta overdone it a bit…” She sat down. “But ya gotta admit that was pretty badass.” She grinned over at Sokka.

“The baddest.” He said, returning the smile.

She flopped backward and pointed vaguely over the side. “Anyways, land ho, motherfucker. I ain’t ever wrong.”

Katara, Aang, Zuko, and a pirate who looked like he’d rather be swimming with the fishes than standing near Toph, were now above deck staring at the newly formed island.

Katara, eyes wide, uttered a halfhearted, “Language.” More out of habit than anything else.

They chose wisely to not mention that the waves had changed the ship's trajectory slightly and her finger was not pointed at either of the two landmasses. 

“Now we just need to figure out how to land the ship,” Sokka said.

“Uh, I think that will be a bit of a problem,” Aang said before gesturing to the pirate they brought up from below deck. The man had his arms wrapped tightly around his legs and was rocking at a frantic pace muttering something. “We’re pretty sure he’s the helmsman but he doesn’t seem to be fit to drive.”

“What’s his deal?” Toph said, stepping closer. 

The man saw her and screamed before hurriedly backing up- while still on the floor- until his back was pressing into the railing.

“Metal bending monster still a child but what was that on a ship and then there was a fire and-” The pirate muttered incomprehensibly.

“What the hell did you do to him Toph?!” Sokka said.

She just shrugged. “Not much, he’s just a baby.”

Aang glared at her. “Toph.” He said disapprovingly.

“What! He called me weak!”

“What did we say about traumatizing people.”

“Only do it if they deserve it,” Toph grumbled.

“And who deserves it?”

“People who have committed genocide or child abuse.” She recited.

“Exactly. Now we can’t get to land!”

Toph brightened. “I guess that means we’re stuck here! We can go treasure hunting, fight sea monsters-”

“You do realize we have Appa, right?” Zuko pointed out.

“I’M. NOT. LEAVING. MY. PIRATE. SHIP.”

“Welp. Guess we’re stuck here then.” Sokka shrugged.

The pirate started sobbing.

**Author's Note:**

> Just sitting over here thinking about Toph having a pirate ship
> 
> This is my first fic in the atla fandom! (although hopefully not last)
> 
> I’m working on writing fluid dialogue so if anything stands out as a bit off I would really appreciate the advice <3


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